No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
