I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
