i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize