i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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