I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
