Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
