I puked a lego.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
This is my gift to your gina
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
