On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.