i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole