My first STD was from a foam party
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...