You made me cry and you don't even care
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
God gave him joint rollers for hands
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?