eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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