I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
yeah, it was that bad.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
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I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
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Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself