are you still at the devil's house?
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
