I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
