I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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