let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
