i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
