I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
