i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
This house was built for laser tag.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
