it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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