i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I am naked and annoyed.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
