guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
