I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
