My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I have fence marks all over my body
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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