I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
