do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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