if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
