Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
