I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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