He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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