NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
