And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
