So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
