You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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