I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
