she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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