Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Randomize
