I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Randomize
