I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
