so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Dear god my vagina.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
