why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.