You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
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Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
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One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao