Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
