After last night, I could never be a politician.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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