You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
