are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
