This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
