FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
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Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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