I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Text me some of your sweat
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
