Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Randomize