Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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