I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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