i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
