I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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