I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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