He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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