he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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