I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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