He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
