Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
