this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
