the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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