The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize