I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize