Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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