it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
