I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
