I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
